We will have to thank them … I suppose.
Never miss that friend that scares you, but you want it the same. But who is this person? It fits in many categories in reality. It is the friend who tells you that your boyfriend is an idiot, and that they will end very soon. It’s the friend who looks at you in the morning and says “You look horrible, put on makeup or something”. It is the sister who tells you that nobody will love you because you are unbearable when you are hungry.
That person is not looking to hurt you, or make you feel bad. They have your best interest in mind by not making your life easier.
According to the study conducted by the University of Plymouth, there are two types of abuse. The first is for negative reasons, either because one is having a bad day and that is why you treat the rest badly, or because they want to hurt you intentionally.
The second, which is the focus of the study, focuses on the act of worsening someone’s mood for altruistic reasons.
According to Belén López-Pérez, author of the study:
“We were able to identify several day-to-day examples where this was the case – for example, inducing fear of failing a loved one who is not studying for an important test.”
This is similar to what our parents do, who scold and punish us, but their intention is to teach us the things we must learn to become functional adults.
The difference is that our parents are our parents, and often we do not listen to them for that same reason. But on the other side are our friends, and when a friend tells you something bad, we better hear what they have to say.
“What surprised us most was that making someone’s mood worse was not random but specific to an emotion . . . Our results have shown that people have very specific ideas about how certain emotions will affect someone and which emotions are better to achieve different results. “
According to the study, people who are bad with their loved ones for altruistic reasons are much more empathetic and want their friends to be successful in life.
I do not know about you, but I have more than one friend who fits with this description. If they really treated us badly because they are bad people, they would most likely stop being our friends. If they still are or were for a long time, it is because we are able to recognize this unconscious impulse that leads them to be cruel to be kind. And someday we will thank you.
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